You do not have to be good...
...or interesting. Why boring isn't always bad and letting go of delusions of main character syndrome in lieu of more intentional choices.
Over the past 5 years or so, the culture of those who may be slightly too online has been heavily defined by romanticizing different parts of our lives as “eras”. Whether it’s a hot girl summer, feral girl fall, villain era, lover girl era, etc., these mostly arbitrary labels tantalize us with the ever-present promise of being able to start over and reinvent ourselves. Even cultural icons like Taylor Swift play into this idea, branding her entire ongoing concert circuit as the “Eras” tour.
I won’t lie, I love the idea of a rebrand, refresh, rebirth. Beginnings always excite me, it promises the chance of a clean slate and the shaking off the baggage of old hurts and past failures. But you can only get so far with new beginnings, otherwise, you risk finding yourself stuck in a standstill as you continuously burn down all that you’ve built up in the face of the slightest inconvenience.
This is something I’m beginning to reckon with as I transition from living a life with “main character energy” into something more sustainable. Being the main character is a bit tiresome as it turns out. You always end up doing things for the plot, which tends to generate a higher volume of adversity. I’ve been calling the past year my Year of Yes; where I make brash decisions, date and meet lots of new people, go with the flow, and always try to push myself out of my comfort zone.
While this era of mine has rewarded me with some significant character development, I’m approaching a point where it feels like it’s run its course. Growth can be so exhausting, and I haven’t taken a pause in a long while to appreciate how far the current version of myself has come. I’ve also noticed that rather than using this mindset to push myself to try new things, it’s veering into escapism from taking accountability for how my actions are impacting my goals. I’d like to sit with that for a while, still striving to say ‘yes’ but with more intentionality. Part of this includes humbling myself and investing in experiences that truly serve me, rather than pursuing those that I think will make me and my life more interesting. Above all, I really need to embrace being bored. I think a lot of my more ill-advised decisions came in partial response to the prospect of me being bored and lonely. No one likes being either of these things, but they’re seldom objectively bad. A lot of times, when I’m bored it means that my life is pretty stable and there’s nothing for me to anxiously obsess or fixate on (I know, yikes).
I do not mean to infer that you cannot have a stable, content, and happy life without being bored, I just find I’m more compelled to make questionable decisions when I’m seeking relief from boredom. But what I do think is that trying to make ourselves and our lives more interesting does not necessarily lead to increased happiness. One of my favorite poems, Mary Oliver’s Wild Geese leads with the famous line “you do not have to be good”, and, to me, talks about in the face of expectations, or self-doubt, how the world inextricably moves on. It calls on us to do our best to notice the world’s beauty and our place in it without losing ourselves in attempts at self-actualization.
My compulsion to cook has slowed significantly since summer in the Southern USA has become oppressively hot. Energy for everyday tasks has been sapped and the mere thought of turning on the oven feels unbearable. I hope you all don’t mind this more cerebral and less food-focused edition of A soft landing place. But of course, it’s not A soft landing place without a list, so here’s some fun things and firsts that have resulted from a summer of yeses:
I got a cat
I’ve been wanting a cat for a while but kept putting it off because I didn’t feel ready and I had various travel plans on the horizon. But as I was leaving the gym one day, I saw the cutest little cream-colored, cross-eyed cat wandering around outside. I called him over and once he let me pet him, the rest was history. My sister came and helped me catch him and we’ve been living together for the past month. I know everyone says they think their pet is the best, I really think I lucked out with Fig. He’s the sweetest, most gentle cat who is happiest when he is sitting in someone’s lap. Plus, having a little creature to come home to and snuggle with really has done wonders for me mental-health-wise.
I tried oysters for the first time…
….and I liked them! There’s this seafood restaurant called Sedalia’s in Oklahoma City that has been gaining a lot of attention. I really like the concept also, the food is fine dining level but the atmosphere is very casual and without the pomp and circumstance associated in typical “fancy” restaurants. We had foccacia with cod butter, a dozen oysters, and a tuna conserva on pumpernickel. Everything was good, but the tuna conserva really stole the show for me. The oysters were tasty too, they tasted like the ocean to me (in a good way) and I really enjoyed them with lemon and this vinegar sauce. I definitely get why others find the texture off-putting, I tried not to think about that too much as I was eating them.
I made icecream for the first time!
I tried the apricot amaretti icecream recipe from the Table for Two cookbook. I loved the flavor combination of apricot and amaretti, and baking apricots really does transform them into something special. Icecream, especially the kind you make without an icecream maker, takes a good amount of time and patience though. I’m not sure if I didn’t let it freeze enough or some other factor, but the consistency of the icecream was a bit too coats-the-tongue for my liking. The recipe uses condensed milk and heavy cream as the primary bases for the icecream, so I wonder if I substitued some whole milk it would result in my preferred consistency. I’m excited to try and make more icecream though, I’d love to make something with matcha or try Molly Baz’s salted cookies and cream recipe she recently released.
I’m going to Canada for the first time!
I’ll be visiting one of my childhood friends in Winnipeg, Manitoba. I haven’t seen her in nearly ten years, so I’m excited to catch up.
I dated in a polyamorous relationship for the first time…
…and I realized it wasn’t for me. But I learned a lot about myself and met some genuinely kind and cool people along the way.
I decided camping is going to be my new “thing”.
I’ve been wanting to get into it for a while, but it's just one of those things that can be intimidating to invest your time and money in. But I went on a river float camp trip earlier this July with a bunch of friends and it went really well, so now I’m working on purchasing more gear and planning more trips. I’ll be camping in Manitoba briefly and I’d like to plan a camping trip to Arkansas sometime in the fall.
I got a free Kitchenaid from one of my coworkers.
Sure it’s like 40 years old and probably also weighs 40 pounds…but it is still in good working condition and has made baking so much easier.I can finally do a pull-up!
I can technically do three in a row now. I spent years trying to do one, so I’m pretty proud of myself for being able to bust a couple out every once in a while.
If you’ve made it this far, thanks for landing here for a bit. I’d love to hear about what personal “eras” you’re currently occupying and how they’re serving you. Until next time.